You know, it’s funny sometimes. I finished my last blog about having not a damn clue about what to write about, and then it hit me.
Right now, is one of the most difficult times of year. There are families fighting, couples separating, work stress, financial stress, and so many other things going on that it is fucking hard.
But life is hard. In my first post I asked you, “What are you willing to suffer for?” Is it worth suffering through your job for that promotion? Is it worth suffering through school for that diploma? Is it worth suffering through the hard times together so that you can still be with the one you love? Is it worth suffering through inane traditions for the sake of having your family there to love and support you?
I’m betting most of you are nodding your heads. “Why yes,of course it’s worth it,” you think to yourself. It’s not your fault that work is screwing you around, after all. You couldn’t speak to them about it and try to change it, nope, wouldn’t work. It’s not your fault you have to go to school. Why finish when you can just go get a GED anyway, right? It isn’t your fault you were fighting. It isn’t your fault you’re upset and distancing yourself from the one you love. And it for sure isn’t your fault that your mother in law is a selfish, self-righteous bitch.
The blame game solves NOTHING. Nope, not a single, goddamn thing. Regardless of who started it, regardless of why it happened, regardless of who pissed who off more, you’re both still up to your necks in bullshit. If it is important to you, then stand up and fight for it. You can’t just shut yourself off and walkaway from the situation.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It doesn’t stay hard forever. I’m sure you all know the old proverb, “This, too, shall pass.” We tell ourselves this all the time. So why on earth would you walk away from someone that you have invested so much time with? Compare the time you had together that was good with the time that you had together that was bad. Put it in context. Go back and read my first post again. Be more understanding.
Are you willing to cut off an entire side of your family,just because someone was being a bitch? Odds are, in three or four months, they won’t even remember what happened, only how they felt afterward. Don’t ostracize people because they upset you, because you are going to be lonely as hell if that is who you want to be.
Let me give you a scenario. You and your best friend, for whatever reason, are out in the woods in the middle of the night, alone. You both are scared of the dark. You aren’t just going to leave your friend behind,alone, because you are scared of the dark. So why are you willing to walk away from someone when you both are hurt and scared and in the same situation? Don’t leave your battle buddy behind.
Sure, it’s a lot easier to walk away. Sure, it’s easier to replace someone. But you will never find fulfillment. You will never find joy, because every time it gets hard, it will just get easier for you to walkaway. You will leave a trail of broken, scared, and hurt people in your wake,and you will be even more scared and isolated than you feel now.
You can find depth in the long term. You can only find growth in the struggle, so long as you get through it together. Look at your past with this person. How long have you been close? How hard have you worked and fought for what you have? Is this situation so terrible as to be irreversible? Or are you just scared? Are you putting up your walls, so that you can avoid dealing with a difficult situation and move forward with the person that has brought so much joy and fulfillment to your life? Take your time, don’t close yourself off, or you may lose them, even if you secretly don’t want to. Commitment is hard. It’s scary. But here is one last, simple truth I am going to share with y’all.
Love is a decision.
Don’t get me wrong. I am probably one of the biggest romantics you will ever meet. I believe in one true love and I believe that love is unending and unconditional. But it is a decision we must make every, single, day.
For example. I wake up every morning. I know I love my girlfriend. I send her a good morning text because I keep loving her. I do this every single day. It isn’t always easy. Sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world. But I do it, because I love her. Because I choose to love her. It could be simpler for me, if we were going through a hard time to just say, “You know what? Fuck it. I can’t do this,” and just stop. I could shut it off and move on.But what would that say of my character? Am I so scared of hard times that I would just walk away? It’s not even selfish behavior, its sociopathic.
I love her, because for two years we have built something together and she makes me want to be the man that I’ve always hoped to be. If we were having a hard time, why would I just close myself off or walk away,when I weigh it against that?
Or my parents. Would I just walk away from them and cut them from my life because we disagreed on something? Because we had an argument? Or my best friend? My brother? My children?
People will disappoint you. That is a fact of life. They will hurt you, even if they don’t mean to. The will fail you, time and again,because we aren’t perfect. We all have our good days and our bad days.Sometimes, when your bad days sync up, it creates more bad days, or maybe builds up into a hard time or a cycle of conflict. Don’t just walk away from someone. Don’t close them out. At some point you have to learn to forgive and move past the hard times and grow. Remember,you’re just stuck in shit. Shit stinks, but it also makes great fertilizer.
One last analogy I will leave you with is this. Look at the struggle you are in with your loved one. Look at it like a job. At work,you choose to show up every day, even when it sucks. The same is true of love.You choose to love them, even when it is hard. Are you going to quit your job just because you had a rough week? Or are you going to stick with it until you get that promotion? Perhaps in your relationship, if you stick with it through the hard times, you can get that promotion. And if I have to spell out what that promotion can mean, then I need a new reader base.